I Just saw this link and it got me thinking.
In my experience, this is true. Humans have something of an instinct for noticing people that don’t fit in. I say that, as someone who has adopted habits and behaviours to fit-in, only to later on realize that(at crunch/testing situations) no matter how much i felt like i belonged, the group had always been willing to cast-me out..
A sort of Jim/Andy/Ryan mix/in-between, to use the metaphor from “The Office”. The core point here being that, some parts for the groups are loyal to each other more than to the other parts. And VGR makes a very good point as to which ones, that’s the members that are in the comfortable in the middle are more loyal to each other vs others at the edge. So anyone, trying to fit-in will have to by definiton join the group at the edge only, and have to work their way through to the middle, based on hacking their own motivations and reward systems to rely on group appraisal and approval.(Which obviously aligns with a loose idea of normal/average that the group holds)
Circiling back to the original comment that triggered this, transgendered people are ones who experience this first hand, outside of some psychopaths, and a few other psychological disorders (for ex; aspergers’ or high-functioning autists etc..) Unfortunately, this rule of VGR is pretty much fractal. There will be people within the LGBTQ community that would feel part of the loyal middle and part of the fringes. There will be people part of the Lesbian community who feel the same. This is not an attempt at prescribing it shouldn’t be so. Although it does trigger wondering about how would a society function without this loyal middle, fringes few and clearly non-belonging others hierarchy in the human brain.
However, this is just a descriptive attempt, this will mean, there’ll always be TERFs, chasers, there’ll always be the candiflas( forgive me, they seem to have taken down their videos, but those who’ve seen would know what i’m talking about). The point is, that it is a necessary human condition and each and every one of us, have to make this decision when we meet someone new, about balancing between the cost of being inclusive and including them into the group, vs the value to be derived by keeping them in the fringes as barometers of group membership vs treating them as one of the others, denying the group membership rights. It is difficult enough at a individual level, that i don’t know how many do think about these choices, and to make things much worse, these decisions are made on the fly, while being in the middle of a group and meeting the new person. (Which means, how the rest of the group reacts to the new person also factors in.).
I don’t know what’s the point to this, nor do I propose a solution nor do I suggest everyone ,and every group to introspecct on this, but it is an interesting thing to introspect on the individual level. (I’ve never see introspection happening well at the group level to any depth, but that’s asking too much i believe.)